This post is very bitter sweet for me this morning. I was thinking about waiting a day or two to post this but some things are best written while they are still fresh. So here goes…
Today is Lily’s first day of Kindergarten. Despite the fact that I have known this day would come for a long time, nothing could really prepare me for the heart-wrenching reality that so many moms experience this time every year. I literally cried myself to sleep last night. I don’t remember the last time I cried that hard. I don’t consider myself a very emotional person, so I’m really surprised at how hard this has been for me! When Lily was born, the decision to stay home with her was an easy one. I didn’t want to miss any part of her growing up and we knew that being at home with her mom was the very best thing for her. And it has been. I thank the Lord every day for His provision making it possible for me to stay home with my girls. I am so blessed and I know that not every woman has the luxury of staying home with her children.
As a mom, I continually worry about how well I am raising my kids. More often than not, I feel like I must be a total failure as a parent and I suppose that just comes with the territory. However, this morning I sent a confident, eager and joyful little girl out into the world (I know a kindergarten classroom may not seem like “the world” but give me a break, she isn’t in my nest!). And today, I do feel like a little bit more of a success as a parent. I am proud that Lily is secure in who she is, in how much we love her and that she has grown into a sweet, gentle and socially independent little lady. I would like to think that those qualities are a reflection of the job we have done raising her.
With all of her confidence and excitement, I have had my moments. I’ve asked myself “Is she going to miss me?”, “Does she realize we’re not going to be together like we always have?”. You see, she has been begging to go to Kindergarten since the day she turned 4. I’ve never seen a child so ready to go! I suppose there is a small part of me that secretly wanted her to hang on to my leg as we walked into her classroom and then she would slowly warm up to the room and shyly break away when it was time for me to go. But not my girl! She busted the school doors wide open and jumped right into the swing of things. Yesterday at the school open house, though, Lily gave me my moment. She was busy running around and checking things out in her classroom but stopped and came over to me. She grabbed both of my hands and pulled me down to her level and whispered “Mommy, I am going to miss you while I’m at school”. And that was all this mommy needed to hear. She is going to miss me and I am going to miss her and I am going to be ok. I’ll probably have to tell myself that 1,000 more times this week but I think I’m going to make it. What’s most important is that I know she is going to make it JUST fine.
Please forgive the quality of this next series of pictures. I was a little emotional and not quite able to focus on my settings. It can be hard to see what you are
doing when your tears are fogging up the camera’s eye piece.
Halle is having a hard time with letting Lily go too. She is her best friend. Don’t worry baby, we’ve still got each other!
What a great big sister. She is the one trying to help us keep it together!